Goodbye... Old Friend

It was a frantic morning. The tow truck driver called 5 min ahead of his arrival. The truck came. The bike was loaded and strapped. He drove away and I walked home to attend an interview.

While the whole send off was unceremonious and emotion less, I was heart broken nonetheless. Just didn't have the time to grieve.

For a partner that had literally cruised with me on the magnificent Pacific Coast highway scores of times, and helped me get through some highs and lows of life, I felt I was being ungrateful.

"I am sorry! I promise, it's not you... It's me... It's this world."

4 years in CA with over 30k miles and no speeding tickets.. 1000 miles in WA, 2 tickets, a broken 5th gear and frustrating weather.

Now I get why, most motorcycles I saw on the roads in WA were either, cruisers with hip hop blaring,  or hordes of squid mobiles with mo-hawks and skull etched on them.

Everyone around neatly fell into a bucket or a kind.There were set unwritten & unspoken protocols on how they should act. How to fit that mould, and any detractors were outcast because they weren't unique enough to be a part of the "elite" club. See the irony?

If you get the feeling, I am no longer talking just about motorcycling, you are not completely wrong.

I have always believed that for the kind of lifestyle I have worked hard for, I hit a jackpot in CA. It doesn't get better than the Bay Area. Yes, the chai lattes and constant overselling of "distruption" in technology can get annoying. Not to mention the general trend of increasing costs and homelessness is heart breaking. But, it is also a place that genuinely promotes creativity and individuality.

From a motorcycling stand point, the Pacific Coast highway, the loops around the Rockies, the racing in AFM, MotoGuild and just the, "gear up, shut up and ride" culture. I mean this is a place that has statistically proven that lane splitting reduces the motorcycle fatalities and legalized it.

So yes, my friend and partner was perfect. While it did weigh a hefty 575lbs; with a low center of gravity and enough power and torque to kick start a mini planet, the K1200S was the perfect GT motorcycle. I remember those crazy winter rides on New year's Eve, yet my hands would be warm thanks to heated grips that never failed me. 

While the electronic suspension wasn't as advanced as the new ones that changes the compression and rebound 10times a second, it made just the right amount of difference in each setting. When in sport mode, you better make sure to load the front before you tipped it in, otherwise, you gonna feel it drift and not stick to line. Switch it to rain and I can remember twice when it saved my ass when the heavens opened up.

We travelled together over 35,000miles across 3 and a half years. Saw most of the west coast of America and it helped me discover so much about the land and myself.

I am still in denial about the departure. I haven't had the time to fully grasp the void that is there in my garage and my heart. But I am sure it's a matter of time when the guilt will overwhelm me.

Maybe I could have kept it a little longer.. fixed that gear and things would have been okay. Maybe I get to start riding and enjoying my rides again. But at the moment I was keeping it trapped in a cage with a heavy heart and the guilt of not setting it free.

As I said before .. "it's not you... It's me"

I'll miss you friend. I really will.

"Patience will get you far... " - Master Shifu

I have been spoilt rotten by first car....

They say absolute power corrupts absolutely. As much as 300 hp and 300 lb-ft was intoxicating every time I buried the pedal to the metal, it didn't make me a bag of bad habits on the road, diving between lanes.

If anything, I believe, it made me learn & appreciate the art of driving. Teaching me the right time to apply the right amount of force, on everything from the accelerator, brake pedasl, to the steering wheel or even the gear lever. Every action had a proportionate reaction augmented with the force generated by the enhancing systems in the car.

Yes, considering it was a car built only 10years ago, and with things like, ABS, traction control, climate control, rain sensing wipers and push button seat adjustments, a lot in the car was electronic. But, from a pure driving experience standpoint, every necessary system was mechanical.

Hydraulic steering, 6 perfectly "ratio"ed gears operated by a lever ergonomically shaped and with just the right amount of throw, 3 perfectly spaced pedals as God intended and that sweet singing naturally harmonic straight-6, slapped with 2 tiny little low inertia turbos in parallel..... It was perfect.

Oh yes, I forgot the kick ass stereo system with no blue tooth trickery. My iPod was plugged in with an old school AUX cable. I know kids... It's so #Basic.. but then what road trip is fun without the perfect sound track to accompany?

It took me 30 years before I could learn driving and afford a second hand car. And, I wanted the ideal driving experience every time I drove a vehicle. Between the price point (for a car with 78,000 miles) and my auto spec-sheet nerdiness, the 335i fit the bill exactly.

I didn't commute to work in that car. I didn't waste my time in traffic in that car.  I got in, drove where I wanted to, in a speed I wanted to (without breaking the law), I reached my destination revived and revitalized from the experience and got on with life.

So you can imagine my confused expression, when I read 4000 on the tach in 3rd and the car I was driving was doing only 40. In the 335, I am probably feeling my stomach being sucked inside with the thrust at 2000 rpm where, 80%of the torque is available. 4000 and still nothing.

No I wasn't holding up traffic, and the car I pulled away from, was already a spec on my rear view. But the sheer un compelling and un hurried acceleration performance felt like a zen master saying to his disciples, "that is just about enough".

But I want more.... I need more... I want it NOWW..  I want to be in absolute control of how much power gets delivered and I WANT IT ALLL NOWWW.. .....

What have I done?? Did I buy the wrong car?

I rant about this to my partner and she responds.. "As the great Master Shifu said.. Patience... will get you far.. ". Now I don't know if Master Shifu exists except in the movie KungFu Panda or if she made it up, but she has a point.

Everything in this new world, in Seattle, seems to move slower than what I am used to. From work projects to traffic on the road, seems very measured and calculated. Not to mention the culture seems slightly closed. I am not commenting on whether, it's conservative or not. I haven't lived here long enough to know that either. I am just saying it's more hush hush and protective. And for a free spirit, who ran a million miles an hour all the time, the slowing pace is unsettling.

But going back to what Master Shifu said, maybe it's time for me to change a little. Maybe for all the big dreams I seem to nurture, I should slow down a little, take time, be measured in my efforts. Calculate the right steering inputs, necessary to change direction and not rush to make changes without seeing the outcome. In 90% of the situations that I am stressed in, seems to stem from a self driven sense of pressure. The obsession to be exemplary doesn't have to be pushed to an extreme. The "balance of doing things and not pushing to either of the extremes", that I spoke about in one of my earlier posts, applies here too.

So, the next time I feel the gears are too widely spaced between 2nd & 3rd, or should I feel that there ain't enough thrust as the revs climb; I must remind my self that the world ain't perfect. For all the things this new car lacks, it has a lot of utility. It gets the job done and then some. I mean the seats fold down in a jiffy and can fit in a pet cow, if I had one. And, ain't no potholes scraping the transmission case with 9 inches of ground clearance. 4WD, heated seats, cheap parts/maintenance, and still 3 pedals that bring me joy. But more importantly, I am fortunate enough to be able to afford one.

And who knows this new lifestyle might even help me prepare mentally for racing motorcycles.

But, for now, I bid adieu to my trusty "old"ish friend and welcome my new buddy...

It starts with a simple Oil Change

I did an oil change last weekend...  in Seattle... in a DIY auto garage.

If you know my obsessive passion to be self reliant, meticulous and procedure oriented, you know the weight and significance of that simple task. Especially, since, I have had to re establish my base after 5yrs in CA. 5 years of rebuilding a retro motorcycle, to rebuilding 2 race bikes and fixing the brakes, differential and transmission in the car and endless hours of perfecting the art of vehicle maintenance on a budget, while not compromising on the quality of the finished product.

It is more than just changing oil and it sure as hell isn't about posting pictures on Facebook and Instagram, to make it a "cool" thing. It's about having the right tools for the job. Torquing every bolt to the right spec. It's about having access to the right space and environment to learn and do even the simplest of mechanical tasks. And when completed, to kick back, be satisfied with a job well done and relish the fruits of the labor. 

I believe the DIY attitude nurtures ingenuity and forces one to do more, with less. It cultivates innovation at the most fundamental level. I believe it is the most innate way to think outside the box.

But, the DIY culture is becoming a niche. Much like over priced "Artisnal" coffee is just an excuse for a latte or cappuccino done right.

Back to the oil change..

You see oil to the engine is like blood to the body. Often people misconstruct a metaphorical reference of gasoline to blood.

If anything, gasoline is exactly like sugar/glucoses

, synthesized from other complex hydrocarbons (Carbohydrates and sucrose incase of glucose). It is very important, as it helps produce the energy the body needs. But, have too much of it and all you end up with is clogged arteries, diabetes & obesity. Similar to how a 427 Cu Inch big block V8 didn't necessarily make the car go any faster, than a lithe, straight 6 from Europe or Japan did, in the 1960s. It was inefficient, lazy and more often than not clogged up the headers with unburnt carbon.
 
Now engine oil on the other hand is the most under appreciated fluid in a motor. It is just like blood in a living organism. While it definitely doesn't function in carrying gasoline to the cylinders directly, it ensures that all the mechanical parts in the motor run smoothly. It helps spin the crank smoothly and that inturn spins the belt to the alternator, which in turn recharges the battery and consequently powers the fuel pump to continue pumping gasoline. It lubricates all the moving parts, regulates temperature and ensures that all ancillary components are working seamlessly, so that, your car steers or you stay cool when the world outside is melting at a 120F.

In other words, the easiest way to ensure that your vehicle lasts long, is to do timely oil changes. 

Now the task itself is very simple. Open the drain bolt when the engine is warm. Drain the oil. Remove the filter. Put in a fresh one(pre soaked in fresh oil), close the bolt and fill up with fresh oil. Start engine and let it go through a full cycle for a few mins. 

The oil change was my introduction to be mechanically self reliant on my motorcycle and car. It was a simple task that made me comfortable handling a wrench, working with greasy palms, knowing what is important and what isn't important while changing stuff and the concept of torque. Or the fact anything in excess isn't necessarily a good thing.

It started with an oil change on a 95 CB1000. 2 months later I rebuilt the clutch on it; a month after that the forks and the rest is history.

I know my previous post was quite gloomy and somber. I was just writing the state of my mind at that point. 

But things have changed and just like how I felt I got a second chance at life in July 2015, I feel I ve been given a second chance to do it better this time. Santa, kept me waiting but did get the approval notice for my VISA on the 26th at 9:36 am.

And hence the oil change.. 

A new start. A new beginning.

Combine that with my belief that this is the right place with the right environment for not just my dreams and passion but also to sustainably derieve happiness, and suddenly, the significance of this extension to stay is huge. Now I am not saying it is going to be easy. I still have to execute on a lot of plans.

However, it give me a chance to make it count. A higher probability to achieve the goals I have set out.

I am heading for a short break to India now. And when I am back, I will start to chronical the Washington chapter of this motorcycling journey and ofcourse, it will start with an oil change... for the K1200s. 😊

When it rains... It pours!😓

What have I done??

This question started occupying head space the moment I crossed the bridge over Portland on I5 and entered the state of WA (Washington). Almost like a well coordinated orchestra, a few minutes after I entered the border, it started to snow..

This question has still not gone away and if anything the weight of it is becoming paralytic! It's slowing me down and tiring me out. Consequently, it's making me paranoid, I am losing focus and I am having a constant migraine. I can't differentiate between the migraine caused by my head injuries and those caused by the constant churning of wheels.

I just moved to Seattle for a new gig.. I know what you are thinking... if motorcycling is a lifestyle, it makes no sense whatsoever to move to a place which has rainfall, 200 of the 365 days a year.

And yes I will agree with you... If the world of motorcycling was a silo, I would hide myself in it. Shield myself from human banality. Of herd mentality & hypocrisy.

Unfortunately, the sustenance of this lifestyle choices depends heavily on conference rooms and explaining numbers.

The job is not made easy by the fact this country doesn't considers machine learning or predictive modelling or using advanced statistical methods "speciality" enough.

The whole point of taking up the new gig was that, I need to get to a more predictable position. A stable job, that will keep every other part of my life predictable and I can continue to train myself for the unpredictability of motorcycle racing.

And just when I think, I can put my head down to the grind stone and get to work, my entire future, including my wedding plans and the motorcycling dream is in question. It's like, trying to strengthen a foundation of a building only to realize, it's been rigged with dynamite even before you started living there. Only that you were promised, "it would all be fine."

My new company filed for a transfer of my Visa. And the government agency is questioning if my job is a "speciality occupation". Now I am not going into the political nature of that question. The reality is I might have to bid a lot of things good bye, maybe forever, if the petition gets denied despite providing evidence.

Those endless hours of working on the Moto or training hard to get back after the crash, will have been for nothing.

I question myself if I had gotten greedy? I signed up for a more boring, predictable job with a company not necessarily known for its employee focused culture. I decided to trade unpredictable industry for time tested formula and it feels it has back fired. How was I being greedy?

I haven't quite had a moment of peace since the crash. I feel like I have been getting pummeled on all fronts, and at some point I started believing this is normal in life. Did I always tell myself that it could be worse and that I should be thankful for what I have and that I need to keep pushing forward. I did. Will I tell that to myself again? Probably will. But fact is if the outcome ain't good and I tell myself that, I am probably fighting again for survival. Not to build any dreams.

But for now, it's pouring.. it literally is. And I am feeling marooned with water neck deep and land no where in sight.

Running 10km... in 2 years 1 month & 10days

Here is the display of a treadmill from earlier this evening.....

And this is a view of the hospital corridor 2yrs ago... 

What or how should I feel? Happy? Strong?

I feel tired.... drained.....

Not from the run.. the run is just a threshold I can remind myself of, on the days I feel low.

I feel drained from the constant urge to keep pushing.. with caution. Constantly checking my back. Checking & rechecking my plans for points of failure. Checking the path forward for pitfalls.

I was always meticulous about my approach towards any action. The point I am trying to make is, it is a lot more than before. Because the margin of error is a lot smaller these days. There is barely any buffer to fall back on. 

I probably could have run this 10k eight months back. But it was important to run it without causing any knee injury. Running a 10k eight months back may have gotten me bed ridden for a week.. or worse. I dunno. It was important to only run this 10k, after running a 8k, 6 times in the last 6 weeks.. consistently... to gain enough confidence that I can do it without hurting myself.

I miss the days when I could be, "screw this.. I am having a bad day, I am going to run, half way across the city... to gain some perspective." I miss the high I used to get from pushing hard to do that 1 extra lap in the swimming pool or cycling those 4 extra miles.. just because I could. Such an act of "pushing to the limit", borders precariously to losing it all; these days.

Pain being the least of my worries....

The biggest change from before has been the way I see virtues like determination and discipline. We have grown up with stories of humans crossing oceans and climbing mountains, literally and metaphorically, as examples of determination and will power. The inspiration from those stories, got me into this sport and brought me where I am today. But off late I am having to believe that pushing to the exact limit I can "afford" is the true test of discipline, determination and will power.

The real fear is that, by over doing something I could end up losing it all. The struggle here is trying to figure out how much is too much and how little is too little. I understand that the same limitations existed before. Push too far and you could get hurt and lose it all. But 31 yrs had taught me how much was too much. Somehow since the crash, that faith that I know my limits seems to have faltered.

Neither time nor resources are endless. So before I set out to attempt something, I need to really estimate and then check again if I can do it.

Every step of the 10k had to land in a specific way, so that my knee didn't buckle with a misplaced heel-toe roll or uneven impact. Because I don't know which of the many times my knee could have buckled would have been the last time I walked on 2 feet.

I used to think, running that extra mile, after running 10 was the hardest part. I am beginning to see that, trying to understand your limits  and not running that extra mile, if you haven't planned and prepared for it is harder than that. And that's what is draining me more.

All human vices faded in comparison to the high, "pushing to the limits" gave me. That's probably why I gravitated towards riding a motorcycle like my hair was on fire. It pushed me to my limits physically, psychologically, emotionally and financially. It was a drug that came with side effects such as, eating healthy, exercising, finishing work and paying bills on time, reducing financial liabilities and so on.

The side effects still remain. But can't say the same for the high. It has become more an obsession than a drug. It borders on survival necessity (psychologically) more than anything else. No one ever got a high from trying to survive. Or felt ecstatic for that matter.

Don't read me wrong, I am happy I am here, giving it all. I thrive on trying to solve problems and overcoming difficulties. But it's that fear that I have no buffer space Incase of a mishap, strains me.

There ain't no fireworks or trophies at this finish line. Hell there ain't even a finish line. Cuz the day I reach one, I ve probably given up on life. And I am glad I don't see one. But fact is the last 2 years have made me believe true happiness isn't defined by ratification by likes on Facebook or retweets on Twitter. It's only defined by the peace that descends post a target I achieve. It's defined by the inspiration that it nurtures and the motivation it provides to propell me forward.

I'll close this one out with a video montage of the weekend of July 29/30. I specifically chose that song for a reason.. because.. it is just a threshold... that has inspired me and motivated me, to keep pushing.. no matter how tired I feel.

I am running that race...

2000 miles of.... Therapy & Peace

"No music for the ride?" Adi quipped over WhatsApp as I messaged him from my over night stop in Crescent City; on my way to Portland....... on 2 wheels. 

 

What can I say? The high pitched wail of the cams as I open the throttle, is the lead guitar shredding.. the rumble of the tires, is the percussion and the whoosh of air through the airbox is the bass!! I am listening to a live rock performance just fine :).

And the best part about this journey...

The scenery.. perpetually changing.... mystic... dynamic and just jaw droppingly beautiful and mesmerizing!

Life as I knew it changed, exactly 2 years ago today. All my notions of how the world works, the concept of causality, the belief in control over consequences from actions, had to be re examined and re evaluated.

By no means have I started believing in the supreme power of a divine entity defined by theology. Or in the concepts of fate and destiny for that matter. If anything, I've become more stead fast in my belief that every outcome is a result of a sequence of actions. Both known and unknown. Conscious and sub conscious. Self driven, circumstantially driven, environmentally driven and driven by other human entities.

I cannot predict the actions of a person driving a car. I don't know if he or she is drunk or sober. But what I can definitely do is, make sure my vehicle service is done on time. I have enough rest before a long rides. And pay attention to the road ahead. 

In other words, no one can guarantee a positive outcome, a 100% of the time. But I can definitely control the input actions/factors to increase the probability of the expected positive outcome.

This view was a burden to hold on to, initially. I couldn't accept that I don't have a 100% control over outcomes.  It is probably easier to believe in fate. But, realizing this reality is what made this trip happen.

4 days of riding. Over 40hrs of thoughts within the confines of my helmet. 1800 miles of reflection & introspection..

When I returned from the trip, and was asked how it was, all I could say was the cliched "Awesome!", "Beautiful!" and so on. Which it was, no doubt. But I finally settled on the word that aptly summarizes it. Therapeutic. 

You see, the world around me hasn't changed. I have the same problems I had a week back. But just like how persistence is all that got me to walk, swim, run and ride again, this trip was therapy to help me recoup my confidence. The confidence to push on

On June 18th, I got back on the race track for the second time..

Reached a goal I set in the hospital 2 years back. But most importantly, didn't get damned!! 😄 For context, it's the notoriously etched phrase at the end of this post . (Rise & Fall)

Truth be told, I am scared to be ecstatic because, there might be an element of ego that follows it. I sure as hell, cannot afford more injuries caused by even a hint of over confidence. Physically, psychologically and financially too. But I can afford to be content and at peace. Being peaceful ensures that I don't lose sight of the end objective.

"It ain't done till it's done."

I promised myself that I would cross the finish line with the checkered flag waving and I ain't there yet. It don't matter if I come last, but I need to finish a race successfully.

Both these milestones have given me some peace of mind. The reassurance that working hard is the only option. Pushing for progress is always a non zero value and it sure is better than being stationary.

My task list is longer than what it was 2 yrs back. Not because I like filling them and scattering them in the void of self importance. I mean, at some point my task list did include daily tasks like walk 5000 steps with the crutch to train my brain to maintain balance. Just yesterday, I ran a 10K for warm-up on the treadmill and that featured in my task list too.

So yes, the task list continues to get longer in this pursuit, every time I reach a threshold. How much am I going to push? I have answered it here... http://octanestreaks.blogspot.com/2016/03/persistent-adamant.html

This trip pushed my limits of physical endurance. I was running on protein and granola bars the entire day. And, I wasn't sure if the gasoline was propelling me or the energy from those bars. ~900 miles each way, stopping only for fuel and hydration. Sore back, shoulders, and it felt like I had just done 2 hrs of squats and shoulder presses every time I stopped.

But while my body was screaming in pain, the mind was tranquil. There is a sense of clarity.

The clarity to push on.. to keep aiming higher.. to pursue more

There is peace....

The hardest thing about Racing Motorcycles

What's the hardest thing about racing motorcycles?

The expenses?

Sure.. but no.. it ain't the hardest thing. If ppl throw wads of green at jewellery and clothes, most of what makes a machine "race"able also makes it safe in it's natural environment. So it comes down to priorities. And I'll leave it there.

The effort?

Trust me.. it takes a lot. The physical energy and logistical planning required for 1 weekend of serious track riding is more than what most ppl can fathom. But then there have been endless stories of human endurance that outweigh this effort in a blink. So it's not just the effort.

Overcoming the fear?

Everytime you crash and know you just beat death by a whisker, the fear overwhelmes you. No matter how much of a super hero you think you are. But then, speed is addictive. And to be fast on the track, all it takes is, discipline and precision. Which is a lot safer than a psychotropic drug that makes you hallucinate minstrels and fairies.  Also, the last time I checked both those words didn't feature in the "Bad Words" section of any vocabulary. Not to mention, those traits are transferrable to other aspects of life.

So what is it?

- Ignoring the prejudiced views of people​ against Motorcyclist? - For which, all I got to say is #HatersGonnaHate

- Ignoring the unsolicited advice of couch racers? - May I recommend an excellent pair of ear phones. The world is a better place with jams that make you groove. 

- Managing tires - Really Bruh?😠 - ain't no business deals between Michelin & Dorna stopping you from fitting a oversized Dunlop 165/60 slicks on a 4.5inch rim. 😝

Nope .. Nope.. and Nope 

The hardest thing about racing motorcycles is .... WAITING.

You see, I briefly covered this in one of my posts before, but the reality is racing or even track days are like prepping for a game of basketball(or any sport). When done right.. you train 5 days a week.. 2 times a day.. eat right.. sleep right.. study hard to clear your exams.. do you homework on time.. your don't lie to your girlfriend about practice.. or your coach about not attending it.. or your team mates about why you were sleeping when they called you.

Similarly.. I paid my bills on time to avoid late fees ..and even set up calendar reminders to prevent accidentally incurring them... cuz every penny saved can get me an ounce of 100 octane... Finished all my projects and meetings on time... cuz every minute I earn there, I could be training in the gym or changing/improving the set up on my Moto.. spoke to my partner and family on time cuz every minute I wasn't arguing with them on why I didn't call them, I could be doing research on more Moto drills that could help me be faster on track.. and the list goes on.. oh did I also tell you that you need time to save money..  not just for buying parts or kit.. but also to afford ancillary medical cover.. air ambulance... savings... 401K.. and again.. the list goes on. 

Why? 

When everything is in order you can score that 3 pointer peacefully... that wins the championship for the school.. or you post your fastest laptime / win the race or even the championship.

In other words you want it so bad.. you don't want to set a foot wrong.

But I digress..

Fact is, even though you are so busy keeping all the cogs in your life moving seamlessly... In harmony... There is a hurricane in the back of your mind that is trying to rip apart the roots of peace in your head. It craves that speed. It craves precision. It craves that wailing throttle blipped downshift that helps you seamlessly lean the bike over for 20mph turn at the end of the 125mph back straight.

A lot of people say it's like the high from a drug. I say you don't know 2 diddles what you are talking about. 

But again I digress... 

So while life happens, the tempest rages on at the back of your mind. 

You are waiting to scrape that wafer thin knee puck for the nth time. You are waiting to dangle that foot while braking hard for a turn. You are waiting to take every opening you find on track. You are waiting to feel the heart race everytime you crack the throttle exiting a turn at a precise point. You are waiting for that "Adrenaline Rush".... You are waiting to Live!

I'll leave you with the great words of Mr McQueen.. 

"Racing is life.. Anything before or after is just waiting"

- Steve McQueen

Different views.. facets.. perspectives.. emotions.. from a 555 mile ride

Ram stood on the podium on all 5 races this weekend (AFM Rd1 @Buttonwillow). 3 of them on the top step. For all the times we made fun about his characteristic talk about "body position", boy did he close up on his competition like a bullet off a rail gun at the banked "riverside" of Buttonwillow Speedway. With the body position he always spoke about. It was poetry in motion. Smooth, precise... accurate. It was a pleasure to watch.

And Charlie.. Dear lord!! his scrap with the "crippled"(defined as turning the 4 pot into a triple) silver ninja & orange R6, was nothing short of a Telenovela in motion. The way he out braked the 636 (turned into a 450) at the end of the main straight was like a surgeon making an incision. It was brilliant.

And there I was, hopelessly wishing, I could get back and drag some knee......

I remember I wrote how my 1000 mile journey started with a single cycling session. I didn't quite hit a 1000 miles.... But it was a little over half that distance... 555 to be precise. Fact is, I got to see some of the most beautiful scenery this state has to offer, if you just tread off the beaten path.

       

  

From 1 track roads to fast sweeping mountain roads... from city splitting highways.... to trails with creeks on them... it was 555 miles of mixed emotions... a constant reminder of my limitations... and reminding myself the ride was an opportunity to learn how to overcome them... of learning and unlearning... of sadness... of happiness.. & most importantly of acceptance & accomplishment.

I remember telling myself before I got on Hwy 25 for the last 100 miles of my journey, that cut the BS and get on with it. And the next sweeper that came, I kid you not... I was head down.. knee out.. arm stretched.. off the saddle and hustling the K1200 while constantly feeding in the throttle.  But before I could rejoice the event, I came to a switch back and all I told myself was "Focus Dude.. Focus".... I loaded the front with a gentle squeeze of the brakes, leant the bike to the left & rolled on the gas as I switched sides. I came off the turn with the tach reading 7000 rpm in 3rd. I felt I had achieved nirvana.

You see, until then I was doing all the classic, "I am too chicken to move my butt on the seat" thing and cocking up all my turns. Like someone who is riding a moto for the first time. I had to remind myself, just cuz I hadn't ridden for 2 years, doesn't mean I have unlearnt the right things to do.  I just needed to believe & execute.

But more importantly, the perspective that 2 years back, I was on a wheel chair, not able to see diddly squat and here I am enjoying the sights & sounds of riding through the boonies.

It should come as no surprise to any of you for what I am about to tell you next. I want to get back on track. While it does seem more an more likely, I am not taking it for granted.

For instance in all the right handers in this trip, I was able to open the throttle like my hair was on fire. But the vision loss, combined with the diplopia made left turns far more tricky than expected. I was not able to scan the road fast enough. I kept rolling off the gas.... mid turn. And you know how much of a No! No! that is. 😊 But then as they say identification of the problem is half the fix. So I am going to work on it.

And hopefully, not far from now, I can be back on track. Not just sharing a laugh.. but also scraping some paint...

Just need to do... what must be done!!

"Forget about likes & dislikes. They are of no consequence. 

Just do what must be done.

It might not be happiness, but it is greatness"

- George Bernard Shaw         

Clearly Mr Shaw, did a better job of describing, how to proceed objectively to achieve a goal.

I reiterated, in July, 2016 what I was doing to get back on the saddle and mentioned that I was still determined  & was training to do it. (The now infamous quote, "I'll be damned if I didn't try harder everyday.. every moment.. to get back on a bike")

And so it happened.... on Nov 5th, 2016 at 9:36 am.

While I was happy to get back to riding again (on a small 300cc parallel twin), after the crash that broke 6 bones & left me half blind and in a coma; I wasn't necessarily content.  Knowing me, that shouldn't come as a surprise to most, if not all of you. 

So I set my sights on getting back on the big 1200cc, 168 hp, 575lb, 60inch wheelbase monster of a machine.

And so I did... on Dec 29, 2016 at 11:43 am

But what you cannot see is, how brutal life can get in the time between these 2 shots.

I had more health issues, that left me bed ridden for a week... went through another heart wrenching episode of layoffs... Trump becomes the president elect & straightaway announces that even the most hardworking legal aliens are not safe from his mood swings.. and... the news that my dad has been diagnosed with a tumor in his liver.

And trust me I know when I say this...  "life can get more brutal". For instance, ask the people trapped in a war torn region of the world. Yet, it doesn't take away the fact that these curve balls that life throws at you in rapid succession, is like getting pummeled by a pugilist throwing face tearing jabs & hooks.

My dad passed away on Jan 9th, 2017. Just months after we discussed how I had this ambition of retrofitting a BMW N54 straight 6 in a 67 Mustang with modern running gear & a roll cage. There he was saying, he will be here cheering me on in my first race, that I was training for. But he went from "he is walking" to "not being able to talk" in less than the time it would take me to train for 5K run.

Fact remains, I cannot change the past... we may question and hypothesize a lot in these circumstances. Its however undeniable that, if life is limited and we have less than anticipated time to finish things before we breath our last, then conversations that involve the phrases, "could've" & "would've" are as point less as pouring water over burnt embers.

So paying heed to what my mom says, its important to be thankful for the people who love & care for us and keep moving forward. I am thankful for some amazing friends I have made over the years, my family and most important of all, the woman I've decided to spend my life with.

While I will always have the hollow feeling from this point on, I still have the burning urge to press on. Wrong? You want to debate me on that? I will provide a list of hypocrisies that humans have accepted as the "norm", and we can point fingers at each other all night long. But the thing is, I don't have time to waste.

I have come too far to let anything get in the way now. I wasn't expecting happiness like Mr Shaw had mentioned & truth be told I wasn't doing it for the greatness either. My benchmark always was and will be, to sleep every night knowing, I gave it my best in everything I attempted to do each day.

I didn't choose to get hurt; physically or emotionally. And if I could prevent it all, I would. But I do have the choice to get up & get back every time I fall. And as long as there is even an iota of chance to achieve what I set out to do, after a mishap/grief, I will give it all and try.

So I am going to try to get back on track. Literally!

A 1000 mile journey starts with a single step... or maybe a few 100 yards of bicycling...

I wrote this on Feb 7th, 2016.....

"I dunno what its gonna take me to get back on that saddle... But Ill be damned if I don't try harder everyday... every moment..."

Am I back on the saddle then... Nope! Not even close....

BUT...

I did do this.... https://twitter.com/VickramKrishna/status/752152610963005440

And this... https://twitter.com/VickramKrishna/status/758675554262364160

Last Wednesday I went to the optometrist to find out if there were any updates to my visual deficiencies....

Oh no no!! Don't get your hopes too high. I am still ~14% blind and my eye movement in my right eye is restricted. (-1mm - +2mm in the vertical axis). Diplopia is my new best friend.

However I had a 20/10 acuity in the combined vision and 20/15, 20/10 in my left & right eyes respectively.....

I remember how the ophthalmologists said I didn't have perfect vision EVEN before the accident. And immediately after the accident... lets just say you could have place a boulder right in front of me and I would have pile driven into it and split my skull even before I realized... it was something ridiculous like 20/120 in one of the tests.

Coming back to my last eye test... so how did I do that? 

I honestly cant give you ONE reason. 

But I can give you a bunch of things I did religiously(most of them even before the accident), that might have helped.

• I drank a glass of carrot, beet & lime juice at least 4 times a week
• I had my multivitamins everyday and hit the sack by 9:30pm at least 4 times a week
• I started boxing lessons and started doing at least 1000 mts swimming in each session
• I did my eye chart everyday and attempted recognizing everyday things even in diplopic vision
• I had a 6 method reminder system based on the priority, importance, urgency and part of my life for all my short term and long term tasks and objectives (And yes I made writing this blog a task to be completed in my task list.. Judge me all you want..) 
• I worked out at least 5 times a week
• I did at least 1 art work a month 
• I also drank a lot of beer.. AFTER every physical target achievement... :P and ate more pizzas since the accident than the 4 yrs preceding it..

Maybe the last thing didn't really help...


Wait..  How did all this pay off?  What does it have to do with my eye tests??

After the tests my doc said, "based on the earlier results and your condition post accident, nothing you did should have helped you get your ACUITY back... let alone get it better than before the accident... but this might just be your body acknowledging that you have taken good care of it"... I wanted to tell him the beer did its job then... :P

Jokes aside.. I still don't know why I could read 2 rows below the row of characters that demarcate 20/20 on an eye chart... the vision of normal human eyes. The doctors couldn't explain it either. 

I'd like to think the accident gave me super human strength to see microscopic organisms with my naked eye. a.la Bruce Banner turning into the might Hulk after being exposed to toxic chemicals or how Spiderman sprung out after Peter Parker was bitten by a deadly spider.... But nope.. no luck there.

So what changed? 


All I know is that, if I did things "specifically", "particularly" & "religiously" before... I just dialed it up to 11 since the day I could walk with a walker in the hospital. Nothing was MORE or LESS important. As long as I thought it would help me get back on the saddle, it was worth doing it. 100%... all the way. 99% wasn't good enough.

In other words.. I tried hard and gave it all... everyday.... every moment.. Always reminding myself that anything worth doing is worth doing all the way.
 
Again, nothing what I did might have ACTUALLY helped me, at least medically speaking. 
Or maybe EVERYTHING helped my body figure out how to fix itself. 

All I know is this.. no matter what I did, I did it CONSISTENTLY and maybe even adamantly.

I did em shoulder exercises even wen my scapula was screaming in pain.. or my knee cracked every time I did a squat... or my eyes hurt when I did eye exercises... or I was mentally broken after trying those cognitive tests and failed repeatedly, but kept trying till I finished them... or when I couldn't push past a mile or run anywhere close to the speed I used to and yet pushed myself to run those 5 miles. 

And here I am...

AFTER clearing my clinical assessment for driving... after clearing my vision and cognitive testing to get a special instructions permit.... AND clearing a behind the wheel assessment with my occupational therapist. Never have I been so happy to drive a Toyota Corolla.. Boy did I feel I was in a Ferrari.... and that kinda reflected in my driving... so much so that, one of the feedback I got from him was that, I drove predictably but quite fast. In fact he had a mild heart attack when he saw me accelerating hard on a ramp when the traffic was slowing, braking late but progressively hard to stop the car, when the traffic came to a stand still.

I dunno, but that sounded like a compliment to me and I wanted to tell him, they didn't name me "Speedy Gonzales" in the hospital for no reason. But he said I needed to slow down and blamed it on my head injury. :P ... Jokes aside I took his advice and did sign up for driving classes.

Maybe I was too ambitious in thinking that, I could do a 5K run, by the end of January. I was a few months late but I did it nonetheless.  The important thing was persistence.

I still remember telling my moto friends that I am going to start with cycling to train my brain again on maintaining my center of balance.... retrain my brain on spacial awareness to start riding and driving.  And the first day I did it, I looked like a real character with my moto off road knee guards and elbow guards and vibrams 5 fingers. But everything had a reason. The shoes will help me feel the pedal and avoid any grip loss issues and the off road pads would provide some industrial grade protection to my already broken bones. 

And I wore all of this to ride around my parking lot... I kid you not! I went round and round 20 times and looked like a complete weirdo doing it, to all the strangers staring at me. But 8 weeks later, I rode 16 miles in all.

Again have I gotten back on the saddle yet? Nope.. But, I have taken the first step to that 1000 mile moto trip I used to take every year... and.. I am trying harder.. everyday.. every moment.

This is Rome!!

This is Rome....

It wasn't built in a day... or a year... or even a decade...

It is scarred... from all the battles.. from the Punic wars in 3rd century BC to... WWII...

The walls of the buildings in this beautiful city are riddled with the pain, struggle and endless strife of all the men and women who built it... protected it...... through all those times of adversity.

However, it doesn't take away the fact.... it still stands today.... as one of the most iconic cities. A symbol of triumph; of human spirit and endurance.

This is a human form..... that is a metaphoric representation of the beauty of Rome....

These are humans etching a line in the space time continuum......  a metaphoric representation of the beauty of Rome...

Hardly anyone saw Arnold's struggle in moving to the US from Austria when he was 20, or the 100 lb dumb bell, that he did his biceps curl with. Or how he shouted in agony wen his trainer told him.. "ONE MORE... GIVE ME ONE MORE".

Almost no one remembers the time when, Dani Pedrosa broke his right shoulder in a racing incident.... had a plate fitted in it... to come back to race 8 days later... only to have the shoulder blade shatter again. And yet he still stands on the podium of Moto GP races.

Which begs the question, in this world of instant everything; are we forgetting what it really takes to achieve some thing? to reach a goal? Or is the mindset of "giving up even before we try; because its not instantly gratifying" a pandemic that needs a cure. Or is the pandemic widely spreading only in the general populous of "Everyday" life.

By no measure am I trying to do anything like these guys. I mean this ain't no Mr Universe contest or MotoGP championship. And neither am I gonna get a million $ for doing this. But this is the opportunity "I WORKED" for all these years and this might as well be Mr Universe or MotoGP for me.

After getting back to as normal a life as possible..... I reminded myself of the quote my senior used to say in the academy... "When the going gets tough!! the tough do pushups..." 

So..... I did em push ups.... 

And pullups......

And hand stands...

And punching drills.....

And squats.. lunges.. hip abductions.. kettle ball swings.. floor exercises.. sand bell throws.. weighted hip rotations ..  and the list goes on!

Why?

I am now 23% blind in my field of vision... no... its not one eye.. its both.. 

I was told 3 weeks ago that its permanent... based on the medical and field vision tests. But I have known that for quite sometime now... 67 days to be precise... Couple that with the orbital fracture in the right eye socket, that has my inferior rectus trapped in the scar tissues... restricting my oculo-motor functions.... which in turn causes diplopia in extreme vision... And image processing is slow due to that blood clot over my medulla.. that has left some damage behind.

Long story short... its almost impossible to ride a motorcycle viewing the entire area of vision required from the vizor a of helmet.. more so in full tuck!

Why full tuck? This is why... (Pic: On my 2002 CBR954RR - T14 - Thunder hill raceway)

However I am still doing em pushups - to strengthen my shoulders - It will help push that weight of that bike through the turns.

I am doing em pullups - to strengthen the muscles around my scapula that is fractured twice - It will help me shift weight between the arms.

Doing em handstands -  to train my brain on balance.. irrespective of the orientation - it will help me maintain the center of gravity between me and my bike when leaning. 

Those boxing drills - to keep my focus on the point I need to punch while shifting weight between the legs - it will help me transfer weight from side to side when in turns on a bike. It will also help me estimate distances to braking and exit markers despite the diplopia.

All those absurd & weird, leg & hip exercises - to strengthen those muscle tissues around those screws holding those titanium rods in the leg - I mean.. it ain't no fun to have a piece of metal scratch all your nerve endings and give you a pinch of agony every time you take a step. Let alone sit crouched on a bike.

So why am I doing em? Even though it seems like I can't ride or race again.

I haven't found a way to compensate for the vision loss. But when I do figure it out..... I don't want to struggle moving on a motorcycle, because I didn't strengthen myself physically... or the fact I don't have the mobility I once had.

So I rode a bicycle last weekend... for 10 miles.. 16.093 Km.. in 1hr 2min 46 sec... And then swam for 500 mts.. at an average of 1 min 4 sec for 50 mts.....

I don't need to tell you why.. This picture says it all....